Sleeplessness
by hanny spoon
Summary: Unable to sleep, Shrek has time to dwell on his life. Oneshot.


So I thought I'd write a little one-shot I'd been thinking about for the past few months to try and get back into this writing thing. It's been so long, I'm a bit rusty now I guess. I hope you like!

This is set in the middle of the introduction/family montage sequence of Shrek Forever After.

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.

**Sleeplessness**

Shrek lay staring at the tattered snakeskin curtains, _awake_. What he was doing awake he didn't know, nor understand. He felt almost frustrated at himself, he had seven month old triplets who were all tucked up in bed. He should be sleeping, like his wife. Especially since he wasn't sure when he'd next get to sleep properly, baby triplets did that to you, he had recently found.

He had already stared intently at Fiona's back, tracing the purple pattern of her nightdress with his eyes, following her long dishevelled braid. He'd also noted every crack and dent of the ceiling after that. Now it was the curtain's turn.

Shrek could faintly see inside the living room through the tatters, almost pitch black in there, the fire long burnt out. The only light being the one beside him, the candle Fiona obsessively lit before bedtime. She currently told him it was so she could see the kids in the night, before the children were born she lit the candle so hunters and villagers thought they were awake, and before that excuse it was because she was in an unfamiliar room. Although he accepted these little explanations she gave him, he knew it was ultimately because she was scared. He knew very well she was terrified of waking in the dark and thinking she was back in the tower. When they had first returned to the swamp after the events in Duloc there had been plenty of nightmares, followed by sobbing, comforting and sleeplessness.

Except that was sleeplessness he could forgive. _This_ was entirely his fault and he couldn't tell why.

Sighing, he sat up, looking enviously at his wife who was sleeping so soundly. He might as well get rid of the energy he somehow had by checking on the kids, and perhaps the house… He stood, looking over past Fiona to the crib where his three sleeping children lay, except he was met with only two sleeping children and one set of wide brown eyes.

"Oh Farkle," he whispered, advancing toward the crib, "What are you doing awake?" In response to the sudden attention, the baby creased up his face in distress. "Oh, _no no no_." Shrek hurried over and swooped his son into his arms and started bouncing him, "Don't cry, it's okay," he mumbled as the child quickly became soothed.

"What is it you want, hey?" Shrek spoke softly after sitting down by fresh candle light in his armchair, "Diaper change?" the ogre sniffed at the baby, "No? Okay. You can't want another feed? You had a bottle before you went to bed?" Shrek stared at his son questioningly. The baby cracked a toothless smile at him in response. Sighing, Shrek smiled back, rubbing the baby boy's cheek with his thumb, "Just can't sleep? Me too."

Farkle grabbed at his father's hand, kicking his legs about excitedly. Shrek laughed quietly, "To think, a baby being this happy for my company…"

He stared at the child, smiling at the soft grunting noises Farkle was making as it took all his effort to show his enthusiasm at being awake with his father.

"You love me, don't you," Shrek poked at the baby, who gave a small giggle. Though Shrek's initial fears about parenthood had been soothed, it didn't mean he had forgotten about the future. Shrek always reassured himself that it would be fine, if they love him now, and he continues to love them like he does, he has nothing to worry about. And yet the doubt still sat in the corner of his mind. "You'll always, _always_, love your mum though." He smiled, "She's great. I know _I_ love her…" The ogre paused, his smile frozen for a second, "And… I love you, Farkle… _and your brother and sister_, I love all of you, so, _so_, much." The baby stared at him in awe, hand in mouth, "I know I don't say it much to you three. But I do… Love you, I mean… And I'm sure I'll say it more when you're all older and can talk… But…" He stared speechless as the baby watched him in silence, breaking out into a hesitant smile, reaching forward with both hands. Shrek took the little fingers in his own, smiling at his son. "I've had a son, _two sons and a daughter_, for seven and a half months and they still want to reach out for me." The baby overbalanced forward, Shrek catching him before he face planted his chest.

It's funny. Shrek had never pictured his life this way, sitting in the middle of the night with a baby… _No_, he was always going to be fearsome lone ogre, terrorising villagers and… _Well, that was it_. There wasn't much to his simple life beforehand. That seemed a complete contrast to now. He wondered if he'd ever come to miss it, he certainly couldn't imagine a life without his little family.

_Although…_

Having slightly more free time would be a plus. He seemed to have his hands full most of the time, especially since Lillian left him and Fiona outnumbered by their own offspring a couple of months back.

"Not that you can help that, hey?" Shrek sighed to himself, "You're learning." The ogre started bouncing the baby boy on his knee, much to Farkle's squealing delight. "Just wait until I can teach you how to hunt and gather," Shrek's spirit lifted, "I'll show you three everything. You'll be catching weed rats and rabbits by the time you're ten…" Shrek smiled at his son, "You'll see."

However, his smile faded, "Until then, I guess…"

He loved his children, _he did_. With all his heart, in fact. It's just… Just… He couldn't put his finger on it. Life was falling into monotony, same thing, day in, day out. He figured once the children were older, and he could teach them things, other than how to feed themselves without making a mess, things would get slightly more interesting. When Fiona was pregnant he never dwelled on the baby stage much. Newborns, sure, he thought about that often, but then they seemed to change directly into children, with their own lives and interests. He never thought about how long the baby stage would last.

Fiona always told the children to stop growing up. Told him how she doesn't want a day to come where they'll stop needing her.

He mostly always agreed.

But he wasn't lying, _no_. Shrek furrowed his brow, still staring at Farkle, who was slowing appearing to grow tired. He pulled the baby in close to him, kissing his head softly. Shrek knew for a fact he'd miss this. The day where he couldn't put his children to bed and kiss them goodnight scared him. He always had the nagging fear about their love but he wondered who they'd be, sure they had personalities now, but it was difficult to tell exactly who they'd turn into in a few years down the line. Fergus already had his mother's more thoughtful nature, whilst Felicia seemed more stubborn and demanding of attention. Farkle was, Shrek smiled down at the weary baby, who flashed a tired grin at him, Farkle was their confident little smiler.

Realising the baby was verging on being asleep, he figured he'd done enough thinking for tonight. He hoped that there would be no more sleepless nights like this. He'd been so busy recently, he rarely had time to think, and tonight only made him dwell slightly too much on his fears.

"I love you," he told the baby again, "I love this," he whispered into the darkness. He loved a lot of things now. He was just confused, he told himself. He was sure by the time this baby in his arms was one, everything would be fine.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

This started off as a cute little piece of fluff and it ended up as… not…

It's annoying how in the breakdown sequence seasons apparently go by and yet the children don't change at all. But the children have never acted the age they're supposed to be in the films so I don't know why I suddenly got bothered by that.

_Words… I can't find words right now._

I'm intrigued by Shrek's breakdown, it happens very gradually, and I figured he'd be in a lot of conflict with himself until he finally ended up in almost pure resentment. I ran with that.

_Anyway_, I really hope you enjoyed! It has been a while, haha. Please leave reviews, I love hearing what you think and it's really motivating when it comes to writing more!

Thank you so much for reading!


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